A Mexican Bus Ride

Because of different missionaries extending their missions, and some sudden transfers that needed to be made, my dad asked if I would be a companion to an elder who had no companion for the next week. In my church, it is required that you be with another Priesthood holder at all times while you serve a mission. He had already been using youth from the congregation in his area, but it was very inefficient and the work was going slow. I accepted the “call” and went to Piedras Negras, a little town on the border of Texas and Mexico. It is the hottest place in the mission and would be the hottest time of the year. I was extremely nervous, to say the least. I knew no Spanish, hadn’t been to the MTC, had been living in what can only accurately be described as luxury for the past 4 weeks, and I was simply feeling inadequate.

The day came and I packed my bags, sure to take multiple pairs of pants and short sleeve white shirts. I even got a “Futuro Missionero” badge from my dad’s awesome office assistants. The method of transportation was charter bus. This was an adventure in itself. Here’s the travel log:

12:30 - I leave for the bus station.

1:15 – The bus I had planned on taking is full, so I have to wait for the next one to come. Unfortunately, this bus is not the upper-class one, and it’s going to take 3 hours longer than the other one. Instead of arriving around 5, I’ll get there at 9. I say goodbye to mom and Brooke, since they have to leave. I am officially on my own. I will have to wait an hour by myself, so I find the only open bench in the bus station and take a seat.

1:16 – I discover why it is the only empty bench in the entire station. It’s right next to the most foul-smelling restroom with the most intense poop scent my nose has ever been graced with. I find another location, using my luggage as a bed of sorts. I brace my nostrils and decide to head for the restroom, but to my surprise it costs money! I hold it. There’s a lady on the bench across from me who looks like she either wants to seduce or kill me. I have absolutely no idea what anyone or anything anywhere says. What am I getting myself into?

2:15-2:45 – I wander around the bus station desperately looking for my bus. I finally find it, relieved to find that it’s late and that I haven’t missed it. It pulls in and I hop on. One minute later, we take off. How’s that for a boarding window? It truly is a miracle I have made it on this vehicle. There’s an elderly man in my seat, so I sit in the one behind him.

3:00 – We pick up a man on the street who certainly does not have a ticket. He and the bus driver talk, and the man hands the driver a small MP3 player, which he proceeds to stash in a grocery bag full of trinkets. Oh, the art of bartering.

3:10 – A family boards. As we take off, they say a prayer and cross themselves.

3:30 – A most definitely illegal copy of The Fast and the Furious begins to play. The menu has an Apple logo in the bottom right corner. It’s all in Spanish, and as much as I want to learn the language, I can’t stand this movie. In contrast, it seems the lady in her 70s sitting next to me is very excited for the flick. Not me. I opt to nap.

5:00 – I wake up to see on the flickering screen McDreamy in a Bill Clinton mask. Romantic comedy + Spanish + sexual humor = No thanks. I’m a “missionary” for goodness sake! Back to sleep.

6:00 – Now McDreamy is in a kilt and playing Celtic games to impress some ladies in Disney Princess costumes which look comparable to a Party City ensemble. Again, no thanks. How about The Last 5 Years’ "For the Next 10 Minutes”.

6:25 – Really, McDreamy? You’re going to run (more like get thrown off a horse, how cliché) into the middle of the wedding and steal the bride? Not cool. Not cool at all. I would have punched him in the face too. Worst ending to a romantic comedy EVER, and I couldn’t even understand it! The “dinner” cart comes by, if by dinner you mean Bimbo bread sandwiches and Mexican soda. I don’t know if I have to pay or not, and instead of trying to understand what the woman has just said, say “No, gracias” and choose to starve.

6:30 – Iron Man starts. I am very happy. We pick up some construction workers. One stands next to me, hanging onto the luggage wrack. Thus, his armpit is in my face. The smell is beyond description. When they get off 15 minutes later, I thank all forces of heaven and earth. Is there a method of torture via aroma? If not, I can certainly attest that it would be very effective.

8:30 – Iron Man in Spanish was actually quite enjoyable, although I still can’t understand why Pepper runs all daintily in her little high heels during the finale. Your life is in danger woman! Take them dang shoes off and BOOK IT!

8:35 – A BBC production called Planet Agua starts. This is probably the only legal thing that’s been shown so far. I stick my iPod in and get lost in Ben Folds’ “Rockin’ the Suburbs”.

9:30 – I am panicking at this point. I was supposed to arrive 10 minutes ago, and have no idea what my stop is called. I gather up my tiny bit of confidence in Spanish and attempt to ask the woman in front of me for help. This is the literal translation: “Hi, I don’t speak Spanish. Final? …..Oh, do it again?....uhh ….crap (that part was in English).... uhh, Thanks!” I got absolutely nothing from that except for embarrassment.

9:35 - Kung Fu Panda! I’ve always wanted to see this! Yep, funny, just like everyone said, even in Spanish. Maybe it's not so bad if I miss my stop...

10:00 – To my intense relief, I’ve arrived. The only reason I know is because I see my heroes in white shirts, ties, and name badges waiting outside. I assume they are a bit scared I have missed the stop too. About 45 minutes late, I get off and meet my new companion. First item of business? A bathroom! After the soothing sensation of what I like to call “poophoria”, I start my week-long mini-mission.

I’ll post some experiences and lessons learned from my mini-mission a bit later this week. As for now, I’ve got to get back to homework! College is a blast and a nightmare at the same time.